Awesome I’d love to be the mummy
femaleleduniversity
If you are going down the D/s path of an FLR, there are two types of control that you should be aware of. Keeping in mind though, that the D/s path is not the only path of an FLR, you can have an FLR that does not require any kind of D/s at all, other than the fact that the female takes on more of a leadership role rather than a dominant one.
I must stress this fact, because so many people think a FLR must be all about female domination, when really it doesn’t have to be at all. Female led relationships, are as big of a rainbow, as regular relationships, there’s a different dynamic in every relationship, including FLRs.
If you are having more of a vanilla FLR, there is only one type of control that you should be aware of. So depending upon which path your relationship is taking, the two types of control to be aware of are macro, and micromanaging.
Macromanaging is rather effortless, and sets the theme of the relationship. You have a less aggressive male, and a more aggressive female. So naturally, most decisions will go through her.
We see this all the time in conventional relationships, I have asked many men if they would like to do something, and they say they need to ask the “boss” or their wife, first.
She may not have a dominant bone in her body, yet she is the leader. Dominance and leadership, do not go hand in hand. A woman does not have to be dominant to be in an FLR, and a man doesn’t need to be submissive either.
Macromanagement develops naturally, she may make the decisions, control the finances, maybe even be the bread winner, the general theme of the relationship is female led, and this may or may not follow in the bedroom as well.
If it does follow into the bedroom, she may simply guide him to be more intimate with her. It may also cause him to be more of a romantic. So the female leadership can be very subtle, gentle, loving and caring and D/s doesn’t apply.
Macromanaging will automatically be there by default, if D/s does apply. It will have been established all on its own, simply because that is the natural way the couple is.
However, D/s does unlock, a whole new level of FLR, actually, several levels, because micromanaging can be mild to extreme. It can also start out as mild and morph into something more extreme over a period of time. Micromanaging is an evolving type of control, where as macro is not.
Micromanaging is something many submissive males don’t take into consideration when their mind is full of female domination internet ideas. Since most internet femdom is focused on catering to his fantasies, it fails to portray the real reality behind it.
Internet femdom doesn’t show what a couple does when they’re not being sexual, so the public perception is forever tainted and submissive males never fully grasp what it means to actually submit.
In previous lessons I talked about fantasy Vs reality, and micromanaging is on the forefront of understanding the difference. When a submissive male enters into an FLR his ego will eventually be broken due to micromanagment.
Micromanagement and domination go hand in hand. As a woman begins to assert her dominance in the relationship, she will be laying down new rules that he must now follow. She may make decisions without asking, and this may cause him to want to talk back or be defiant about it.
His ego will not want to be controlled in this manner, but his submissive side will love it. So he may be a bit resistant at first, but he’ll be turned on at the same time.
For many women, this can be difficult to overcome, because it appears as if his resistance to her dominance makes it undesirable. So it is important that she understands the male ego, and continues to enforce her dominance.
His ego will eventually accept his new role and the resistance will die down, at least until she wants to take it even further. Some examples of micromanagement in the bedroom could include having him perform oral on her, without giving him anything in return.
Outside the bedroom it could include, doing household chores, doing what he is asked, when he is asked without hesitations or “I’ll do it laters.” It can be taken even further, so that he must check in with her often while he is out. In a D/s relationship, she can invade every aspect of his life, to her, he doesn’t get privacy. She may wish to have all of his passwords for his social media and email accounts.
Again, this can be mild or extreme. She can decide what he wears if she wants to. Maybe he is kept naked at home. Micromanaging is directly tied to her style of dominance. Which is why many submissive males fail completely to grasp this concept until its actually happening to them.
He literally becomes a part of her lifestyle, and her will and her way, is his way of life. His world revolves around hers. More outside the bedroom micromanaging could include her deciding what movie to go to, or taking control of the TV remote while he gives her a foot rub.
A submissive male will come to learn, that his desires, may not actually matter. And if his ego is broken slowly and properly, his desires will be replaced with her desires, and her desires will be the only ones that matter to both of them. He will have let go of his desires and adopted hers.
For this to occur, micromanaging must be done with care, and with love. It should never be rushed or forced, and boundaries should always be respected. However due to the nature of power exchange, it will eventually snowball until you’re both feeling totally comfortable in your respective roles. He will be in sub space, she will be empowered, and there will be a harmony in that. Opposites attract.
This will make your FLR healthy and solid. The submissive male will have been shown the true definition of female domination, and what’s seen on the internet will be seen as pure fantasy entertainment and wholly unrealistic….. yet realistic, after the long process of actually getting to that stage.
Micromanagement brings with it, punishment. Punishment is something that many women don’t wish to do because they don’t like to inflict pain. However, this type of pain, is not the same type of pain as being sadistic. In the same way it used to be acceptable to spank a child for misbehaving, a submissive needs to have this same punishment to learn.
Punishment should not be pleasant for him, and he should not wish to receive it. However it is very necessary and will yield fantastic results for the relationship in the long term. It will keep him in line and make him think twice. Punishment is necessary for going into deeper levels of D/s.
Micromanagement inside the bedroom can vary greatly. However the primary purpose of micromanagement inside the bedroom is for the female to enjoy her submissive male in ways that please her. She can have a whole lot of fun, and be experimental figuring out what she likes. However, as she is establishing her dominance, it is important that she considers his needs to some degree, so he doesn’t get frustrated.
Eventually she will be able to change his needs to suit hers, but that can be a long process, and it requires breaking his ego to do so. When the male ego breaks, there is always tears. Tears of surrender, tears of submission, tears of joy, tears of love, and most importantly, tears that things will never go back to the old way.
When his ego breaks, it’s important to show him love and compassion, embrace him, tell him he’s cared for and loved. He knows there’s no going back, and he is extremely vulnerable in this state. This is not the time to be indifferent, this is the time for emotional bonding.
It’s the time to express how much you love and appreciate each other. Comfort him. Open up and hold each other, and this will cement the D/s FLR into a new paradigm.
Purchase the book here!
E-book available here - Practical FLR: Lessons For A Female Led Relationship
Paperback available here - Practical FLR: Lessons For A Female Led Relationship
Join me at
Twitter: @PracticalFLR
Wordpress: www.femaleleduniversity.wordpress.com